ripped off from Qacei's myspace page, and customized.
Where did you begin 2007?
In a huge public square, with fifty thousand like-minded revelers in the driving rain. Amsterdam, Netherlands.
What was your status by Valentine's Day?
I was someone's valentine! I had noooooooo idea what the next few months would bring... talk about a universal sideswipe!
Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Yes. I left University this year, incomplete.
Did you have to go to the hospital?
to visit my friend Konstantin.
Did you have any encounters with the police?
I was asked for my passport in Germany. apparently i was not the droid that they were looking for.
Where did you go on vacation?
Holland. (Antwerp, Eindhoven and Amsterdam)
Belgium. (Liege, Brussels, Bastogne, and the Bois Jacques)
France. (Paris, and along the Normandy Coast)
Luxembourg. (Luxembourg City)
Germany. (Aachen, Dusseldorf, Cologne)
What did you purchase that was over $500?
airline tickets. human veal for ten hours, and then wandering sheep in O'Hare for ten hours. no wonder i will not eat either... for i AM them!
Did you know anybody who got married?
One Lutheran wedding in July.
Did you know anybody who passed away?
Not this year. I kind of got to know a couple of people who died before i met them.
Did you move anywhere?
seventeen hundred miles from all that which i thought i knew.
What sporting events did you attend?
Is team-table herb worship in amsterdam a sport? then, i attended that one! oh, and some minor league junior hockey, and watching the Canaries lose repeatedly.
What concerts/shows did you go to?
Low, twice. Amy Steinberg.
Describe your birthday:
worked. felt sorry for myself. noticed no one was helping me feel sorry for myself, and then felt better.
What's the one thing you thought you would not do but did in 2007?
walk the stretch from the Bois Jacques (Jack's Wood) to bastogne at twilight. lots of ghosts there, man.
What has been your favorite moment(s)?
When i couldnt quite work up the courage to kiss TFG for the first time... she stood two steps up from me, so we could be at eye level, and she kissed me. it was very sweet, yo. learning about Hannah and Mitch through rapid 'ignore what's happening in class and pay attention to this seemingly insane woman on the other end of google chat' IM conversations that led to our first date. being terrified at Hannah's Fat Tuesday party. Enjoying Christmas Midnight Mass in a five-language service. We left immediately before the communion, so i'm pretty sure God thinks it's okay that a heathen was in her House for a while. Driving in the French countryside.
Any new additions to your family?
Two. well, three. well, five. One nine year old boy. One green eyed redhead with pale skin (the universe really must have been listening to that one.) One meowing Calico cat, 15. One Husband, and One Little Girl, both having shed this mortal coil.
What was your best month?
march.
What music will you remember 2007 by?
the "put your hands up for Detroit" song. it was playing all over europe when we were there. listening to Sigur Ros on the TGV from brussels to paris. Recording forty seven songs in a two-day marathon in brookings, SD- one of which was forty minutes long. yow.
Made new friends?
a nearly overwhelming amount. 2007 has been an unusual year for me.
Favorite Night out?
the goodbye and good luck party at the Hippie's Farm, complete with fireworks and psychedelics. August.
Overall, how would you rate this year? on a scale of 1-10
it's been a year of terrific change. no, i mean terrifying change. no, i mean...
Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
in the car. on the highway.
Change your hairstyle?
yep. went bald.
Do you have a New Year's resolution?
haven't considered it yet. guess i could quit smoking so damn much.
Do anything embarrassing?
i embarrassed myself, but i don't quite know if there was anyone else there to witness it. oh wait, i'll just say this: "EEP!" while not entirely embarrassing, i did end up sharing more of myself than i had intended to at that moment.
Buy anything new from eBay?
an mp3 player for me, and a carefully researched phone for TFG.
Get married or divorced?
Hooked up, good and proper.
Get arrested?
no. thanks, cops in Germany!
Be honest - did you watch American Idol?
no. but, i never watched other pop phenom stuff like OC or Desperate Housewives, either. Did watch some Chef Ramsay this year, though.
Did you get sick this year?
called in sick, once.
Been snowboarding?
Nein.
Are you happy to see 2007 go?
I'm hoping for a touch of stability in 2008. but, we'll see. maybe it's overrated!
Been naughty or nice?
i guess i'll have to look at it in a karmic payback sort of way. i guess i've been good enough!
24 December 2007
to those of you from...
Sioux City, Iowa. Bemidji, Minnesota. Bellevue, Nebraska. Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Los Angeles, California. Victoria Island, British Columbia, Canada. Kalona, Iowa. Corvallis, Oregon. Birmingham, England, UK. Albuquerque, New Mexico. La Paz, Baja California, Mexico. Charlotte, North Carolina. Arlington, Virgina. New York City, New York. Worcester, Massachusetts. Isle of Man, UK. San Diego, California. Iowa City, Iowa. Hyannis, Massachusetts.
thank you, Dear Reader, for visiting. thank you for reading, thank you for your empathy, joy, and love. it's been a year of cheap therapy for me, and hopefully some laughs for you!
People i don't know in places like my beloved Belgium have visited. France. Japan. Kamchatka.
it makes me feel comfortably small when i look at the huge map that shows me where you are from.
love,
me.
thank you, Dear Reader, for visiting. thank you for reading, thank you for your empathy, joy, and love. it's been a year of cheap therapy for me, and hopefully some laughs for you!
People i don't know in places like my beloved Belgium have visited. France. Japan. Kamchatka.
it makes me feel comfortably small when i look at the huge map that shows me where you are from.
love,
me.
21 December 2007
Two Turntables and a Microphone.
on Understanding:
First of all, do not predefine understanding, and do not make a principle of non-understanding.
-Ying-an
on self-reliance and instinct:
I believe that we can improve our relationships without involving our partners. If both partners are working, all the better. However, if just one person in a partnership makes significant changes then it is enough to alter the relationship for the better. As a matter of fact, I would go so far as to say that my goal whenaddressing my partnership is keep the focus off of *us* and keep it firmly on *me.*
-Beth Fuller
on self-delusion:
Like a mirage in the springtime, the mind is found bewildered; animals imagine water but there is no reality to it. There is here nothing but thought construction, it is like an image in the air; when they thus understand all, there is nothing to know.
-adapted from the Lankavatara Sutra, translated by D.T. Suzuki
on happiness and pain:
If we train our breathing, we can control our emotions--that is, we can cope with the happiness and pain in our lives. We should practice until we feel this; our practice is not complete until we can see this clearly.
-Buddhadasa Bhikkhu
on Gratitude, and being grateful for what we have:
That very seeing does not see Itself at all. How can something that cannot see itself See another?
-Nagarjuna
on over-focus:
For some years now, students have not been getting to the root of the aim of Zen, instead taking the verbal teachings of Buddhas and Zen masters to be the ultimate rule. That is like ignoring a hundred thousand pure clear oceans and only focusing attention on a single bubble.
-Ying-an
Happy Winter Solstice, Dear Reader.
First of all, do not predefine understanding, and do not make a principle of non-understanding.
-Ying-an
on self-reliance and instinct:
I believe that we can improve our relationships without involving our partners. If both partners are working, all the better. However, if just one person in a partnership makes significant changes then it is enough to alter the relationship for the better. As a matter of fact, I would go so far as to say that my goal whenaddressing my partnership is keep the focus off of *us* and keep it firmly on *me.*
-Beth Fuller
on self-delusion:
Like a mirage in the springtime, the mind is found bewildered; animals imagine water but there is no reality to it. There is here nothing but thought construction, it is like an image in the air; when they thus understand all, there is nothing to know.
-adapted from the Lankavatara Sutra, translated by D.T. Suzuki
on happiness and pain:
If we train our breathing, we can control our emotions--that is, we can cope with the happiness and pain in our lives. We should practice until we feel this; our practice is not complete until we can see this clearly.
-Buddhadasa Bhikkhu
on Gratitude, and being grateful for what we have:
That very seeing does not see Itself at all. How can something that cannot see itself See another?
-Nagarjuna
on over-focus:
For some years now, students have not been getting to the root of the aim of Zen, instead taking the verbal teachings of Buddhas and Zen masters to be the ultimate rule. That is like ignoring a hundred thousand pure clear oceans and only focusing attention on a single bubble.
-Ying-an
Happy Winter Solstice, Dear Reader.
19 December 2007
Passion.
http://shouldaknownbetter.blogspot.com/
Passion. Longing. Self-Questioning. Husbands. Wives. Text Messages sent with Love, unanswered and unacknowledged. More Longing. Infidelity. Marriage. Divorce. Moving. Sleeping with your back to your spouse while they pine for someone else. Drinking. Dear John Letters. Drunken Emails proclaiming frustration with the inability to accept the concept of Forever. Corporate Politics. Panic Attacks. Desire. Distractions. More Longing. Self-Destructive Thought Patterns. Living, every single second of your life, however long it may turn out to be. Letting go and moving on.
i spent an hour tonight going through the anonymous author's archives. This lady should win an award.
i would recommend going backwards from march, 2006 to the present to fully grasp what has happened between her infrequent posts.
Thanks, Nameless. I know now that i'm not the only self-frustrating romantic getting laughed at while masturbating in the bathroom ;)
Passion. Longing. Self-Questioning. Husbands. Wives. Text Messages sent with Love, unanswered and unacknowledged. More Longing. Infidelity. Marriage. Divorce. Moving. Sleeping with your back to your spouse while they pine for someone else. Drinking. Dear John Letters. Drunken Emails proclaiming frustration with the inability to accept the concept of Forever. Corporate Politics. Panic Attacks. Desire. Distractions. More Longing. Self-Destructive Thought Patterns. Living, every single second of your life, however long it may turn out to be. Letting go and moving on.
i spent an hour tonight going through the anonymous author's archives. This lady should win an award.
i would recommend going backwards from march, 2006 to the present to fully grasp what has happened between her infrequent posts.
Thanks, Nameless. I know now that i'm not the only self-frustrating romantic getting laughed at while masturbating in the bathroom ;)
18 December 2007
Exactly, Scientifically, Right Now.
this was the first thing i saw on the 'ol Interweb today: ye old daily horrorscope.
For Scorpio, 18 December 2007:
Anxiety surfaces when you realize how important your current actions are. You intuitively know that what you do now could have long-term consequences and you want to take your time and get it right. Discomfort arises, however, when you realize that you might lose an opportunity if you wait. Take a middle-of-the-road approach by balancing your current needs with a sensible plan to achieve stability.
i wish the people who author these would get out of my head.
meanwhile, on the physical plane, here in my beautifully perfect 'water off of a stone' now, i feel washed out. a nicely coated layer of frost today. yesterday, D's xmasquanzaasolstice gift made it all the way from Africa, via New York City, to Corvallis before it was misdelivered or stolen. My exquisite outrage at this delicious cosmic ass-slap only fueled further barely-under-the-surface discontent.
you know, i find the whole live-in-the-now concept to be a giant pain in my ass. Seemingly, it's less of a self-help toolbox and more of a belief system. I got a taste of it twenty years ago, with a William S. Burroughs audio sample in one of my favorite songs. maybe it's supposed to be, maybe the paradigm shift required to think this way is a wonderful, beautiful, perfectly shaped and constructed grindstone that i keep moving my forehead towards, inch by delicious inch.
intuition. i view it as an evolutionary gift that the science of today's world hasn't quite erased yet. if you can't garner input knowledge from anything you see or hear around you, i imagined that i could always trust my gut instinct. educated guesses. disregard it if you're thinking and living in the now.
patterns, as viewed from experience. as in, "if this has happened 3.14169 times in a row, with the same outcome each time, chances are probably pretty good that the 22/7 happening will occur with the same statistic probability. always a valuable tool in MY toolbox. i now am asked to disregard this entire model, as it is toxic and can only implant unrealistic preconceptions of the future, and thusly impede whichever future you're building. uh huh.
hope. it's not compatible with the now, as i understand it. you're creating a false, idealized impression of the future, which doesn't actually exist. But if Stephen Hawking is right and there IS such a thing as tomorrow, you'd be tainting it with inherently destructive expectations.
dreams, and the ideas they fertilize. see above. useless, unless you like Neil Gaiman and Morpheus. which i do.
i'm so very, very frustrated. if this is the part of the lake that i'm choosing to view, it's a real shithole today. and it's not even MY garbage that litters the beach, causing me to trip over it and question my own ability to walk without falling. We can acknowledge that yes, there IS some garbage on the beach, but it is Never To Be Discussed. I want to clean it up, irregardless. but why? it isn't mine, so i'll clinically view in a detached manner. isn't the oil slick beautiful and perfect exactly where it is supposed to be, right here, now? i quell the suddenly loud urge to run, not walk.
...walking away is no longer an option. I love the lake. i'm committed to living here. i'm building a house on it. a nice log A-Frame, with a stone foundation and hearth, up and away from the beach a bit. You'll forgive me, dear reader, if i indulge in a moment of ignoring the present while i wreck the future, yes? There IS garbage on the beach, and i DO trip on it when i walk in the sand. and i'll take a stinkin' rake and garbage can to the beach and clean it up when the garbage can is exactly where the oil slick needs to be. i just hope the garbage doesn't rot and stink out the entire lake while it ignores itself and hopes it takes itself away.
and now, in my now, i'll listen to the proper zenmaster i know, someone i just recently had the pleasure of meeting. For me, She distilled the tail-chasing ethereal to two concise, accurate sentences. which i cannot remember. so, i'll paraphrase the idea into two crude sentences of my own, dear reader.
"Forget about the now, as it's confusingly circular, and you'll just get lost. All of these concepts have to wrap to fit around YOU, not the other way around."
*here's where the argument within falls to the side; as it's the only thing I've heard recently that makes any sense*
I hope whoever found D's xmaskwanzaasolstice gift enjoys it. Really!
For Scorpio, 18 December 2007:
Anxiety surfaces when you realize how important your current actions are. You intuitively know that what you do now could have long-term consequences and you want to take your time and get it right. Discomfort arises, however, when you realize that you might lose an opportunity if you wait. Take a middle-of-the-road approach by balancing your current needs with a sensible plan to achieve stability.
i wish the people who author these would get out of my head.meanwhile, on the physical plane, here in my beautifully perfect 'water off of a stone' now, i feel washed out. a nicely coated layer of frost today. yesterday, D's xmasquanzaasolstice gift made it all the way from Africa, via New York City, to Corvallis before it was misdelivered or stolen. My exquisite outrage at this delicious cosmic ass-slap only fueled further barely-under-the-surface discontent.
you know, i find the whole live-in-the-now concept to be a giant pain in my ass. Seemingly, it's less of a self-help toolbox and more of a belief system. I got a taste of it twenty years ago, with a William S. Burroughs audio sample in one of my favorite songs. maybe it's supposed to be, maybe the paradigm shift required to think this way is a wonderful, beautiful, perfectly shaped and constructed grindstone that i keep moving my forehead towards, inch by delicious inch.
intuition. i view it as an evolutionary gift that the science of today's world hasn't quite erased yet. if you can't garner input knowledge from anything you see or hear around you, i imagined that i could always trust my gut instinct. educated guesses. disregard it if you're thinking and living in the now.
patterns, as viewed from experience. as in, "if this has happened 3.14169 times in a row, with the same outcome each time, chances are probably pretty good that the 22/7 happening will occur with the same statistic probability. always a valuable tool in MY toolbox. i now am asked to disregard this entire model, as it is toxic and can only implant unrealistic preconceptions of the future, and thusly impede whichever future you're building. uh huh.
hope. it's not compatible with the now, as i understand it. you're creating a false, idealized impression of the future, which doesn't actually exist. But if Stephen Hawking is right and there IS such a thing as tomorrow, you'd be tainting it with inherently destructive expectations.
dreams, and the ideas they fertilize. see above. useless, unless you like Neil Gaiman and Morpheus. which i do. i'm so very, very frustrated. if this is the part of the lake that i'm choosing to view, it's a real shithole today. and it's not even MY garbage that litters the beach, causing me to trip over it and question my own ability to walk without falling. We can acknowledge that yes, there IS some garbage on the beach, but it is Never To Be Discussed. I want to clean it up, irregardless. but why? it isn't mine, so i'll clinically view in a detached manner. isn't the oil slick beautiful and perfect exactly where it is supposed to be, right here, now? i quell the suddenly loud urge to run, not walk.
...walking away is no longer an option. I love the lake. i'm committed to living here. i'm building a house on it. a nice log A-Frame, with a stone foundation and hearth, up and away from the beach a bit. You'll forgive me, dear reader, if i indulge in a moment of ignoring the present while i wreck the future, yes? There IS garbage on the beach, and i DO trip on it when i walk in the sand. and i'll take a stinkin' rake and garbage can to the beach and clean it up when the garbage can is exactly where the oil slick needs to be. i just hope the garbage doesn't rot and stink out the entire lake while it ignores itself and hopes it takes itself away.and now, in my now, i'll listen to the proper zenmaster i know, someone i just recently had the pleasure of meeting. For me, She distilled the tail-chasing ethereal to two concise, accurate sentences. which i cannot remember. so, i'll paraphrase the idea into two crude sentences of my own, dear reader.
"Forget about the now, as it's confusingly circular, and you'll just get lost. All of these concepts have to wrap to fit around YOU, not the other way around."
*here's where the argument within falls to the side; as it's the only thing I've heard recently that makes any sense*
I hope whoever found D's xmaskwanzaasolstice gift enjoys it. Really!
05 December 2007
....aaaaaaaaand introducing!
my baby sister!
she's quite pregnant, and my newly-hatched niece and/or nephew is scheduled (or not!) to arrive sometime around the Solstice. Said newly-hatched niece and/or nephew is scheduled (or not!) to arrive at home, in lieu of a hospital. pregnancy isn't a sickness, and i'm so very happy the baby will be welcomed into the world in a quiet, safe place, unlit by harsh flourescents and halogens, filled only with family and love and welcoming. i am so VERY proud of her!
she lives in Stratford-Upon-Avon, near Birmingham, England with her amazing two-tier-bus-driving husband, Mark. It's tough to get Manchester United schwag there, but she always finds some for me, anyhow.
Thanks, Karin! I enjoyed the best cup of coffee in the world (just ask D, she'll tell you) this morning *afternoon* out of my famous Man U coffee mug. I'm sending a massive blast of whatever Karma i've earned your way tonight. I love you!
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